Parting Thoughts from the Heart of the Flame
by Skyfire21
Summary: St. John Allerdyce reflects back on his life during his last days with legacy, he talks about old friends, good times, unspoken love, and life lessons...Pyro is copyright marvel, i don't own him...please please PLEASE...read and review. Thanks!


Life. Everyone says that it's short, that you should grab the bull by the horns, face your fears and never take anything for granted. Carpe Diem, they all say. People tell you that the time on this earth is to short for bickering, for haggling, for holding on to money that you will never spend with an iron fist. They all tell you that you should tell the one you love how you feel, for who knows when there will be a tomorrow?   
  
For once, the people are right. All the things they say, but never do, all the money they keep and never spend. Few people actually practice what they preach anymore, but their clear, condescending voices ring out nonetheless. As hypocritical as they may be, they are more right than I ever was. It has taken me an entire lifetime to realize that the words of the people in movies, on commercials, and even on the street corners preaching the worlds end were not empty. Oh, their reasons may have been hollow, that's certain, but even if they themselves didn't know it, their words rang true to anyone who really listened.  
  
Time is not my friend. Every time I hear those words now, I cringe...I get the compelling urge to throw something at who ever said them. I can only do so much at this point and it tears me up inside. I can hardly move without coughing, or setting something on fire.   
  
I try to avoid retrospection, but it's difficult now, when it seems like 'then' is all you have left. Looking back on my life, I'm not really sure that I regret any of it...maybe a few things, but I more than likely won't tell you those. My past wasn't tragic as so many others were, my parents loved me and were accepting of me. I loved them in return, in fact I loved most things about my childhood. The fact that I lived in Sydney, Australia was a big plus. Being near the water was one of the best things, which is actually kind of ironic coming from me. Homesickness is not a weakness I was ever proud of, but one that has attacked me viciously through the years, even more so now. Don't get me wrong I loved to travel, it gave me all of my best material...a passionate romance in France, a passionate romance in Spain, a passionate romance in Korea.... Well, that wasn't really my best, and I found that the reviewers seemed to agree with me, but the reading public seemed to enjoy my steamy novels. I mean, my time as a journalist was great, but my articles always had to be cut down, because I described too much...I was just trying to make it more interesting, oh well, their loss.   
  
I suppose, now that I really think about it, that is a regret of mine: I wish I had published my other work, not the cheap romance the public so desired. Contrary to popular belief, I am capable of writing intelligent coherent things without talking about heaving breasts or pulsing muscles. I guess that's something the world may just never know.  
  
Ah, it isn't that, however, that I will be most widely known and recognized for, now is it? I just happen to be...(drumroll please), a most feared, most respected member of the elite Brotherhood of Mutants! Homo superior, a step above, right? Maybe. I'm not sure I ever really believed in Magneto's crazy cause. Like my boss and (I'm honored to say) good friend Mystique, I was just along for the ride and in it for the money. The thrill did appeal to me. A passion for life always did burn within me (no pun intended), but it wasn't the fighting that I enjoyed, no. I tried at all costs not to kill, it just isn't in my nature. She understood that, she always did seem to understand things.   
  
The two of us have an understanding, rather one sided actually, I did everything she told me to. I couldn't help it, from the first moment I laid my eyes on her, i was gone. Any self respect I might have had, vanished in that instant, because I knew that I would do anything, give up anything, risk anything, if she told me it would make her happy To this day, I'm not sure why she chose me, I mean, I don't look very intimidating. Me and my 145 lbs. and height of 5'4". Maybe at the time she just needed a distraction, and my power seemed right for the job. Out of all the mutants in the world she picked me. And she could have anyone. At the mear thought, Mystique is able to change her appearance to any humanoid shape. Information was easily attained when Lady Mystique was doing the attaining, and the one doing the giving was usually enjoying himself to much to bother with little things like vital secrets. I have always thought, however, that her true form was her most beautiful. I know she would kill me for saying so, she always hated it when I gave her sincere compliments. Her skin was equal in color and beauty only by a midnight sky. Long or short her hair was always a deep blood-red, shining fiercely in the light. Her eyes, though, were what I will forever remember and love the most, a gold, the like the world has never seen, like shining stars with the blinding fierceness of the sun. Even when she was in another form, her eyes could give her away, luckily I was one of the only ones who knew how to tell.   
  
My loyalty to her has surprised even me, considering I haven't had the chance to be loyal to much else in life. If she called me up right this very minute and said: "Pyro, I need you for one last job, are you up to it?" I would say: "Sure boss, I feel great, where do you want me and when do you want me to be there?"  
  
I would, of course, be lying through my teeth. She could always see right past my quick answers, I could never lie to her. The only secret I've been at least somewhat successful in keeping is my feelings for her. I know that I could never really mean anything to her, not like she means to me. I'm actually probably one of the only guys who hasn't 'experienced' Mystique intimately, because for me to do that, it would have to mean something. For me to be able to take the great leap of faith, to give my whole self to her, I would need something in return. I know that the things she does prevents her from letting anyone get close to her, none of the lovemaking can mean anything to her, it would hurt too much. And since my fondest wish is for her to be happy, and I know she would simply loathe that kind of sincere adoration from me, or from any man if fact, I have resigned myself to basking in her independent passion of spirit, and powerful glow of self-reliance.   
  
I have had to resign myself to many of things since I received the diagnoses. Things that i will never be able to do again, but I don't want to think about that just now.  
  
One thing I do regret about my childhood is that I didn't have many good friends. My lifelong friends I didn't meet till I joined the brotherhood, Raven of course, Dominic, Fred, Pietro, and Irene. We were all very close...yes, supervillains can have friends and family and they were mine. Dominic, yeah, we were tight. He was just along for the ride like me, but I think at times he was intrigued by 'the cause.' Mostly he was a goof off, with a hot temper and he enjoyed his job. Making the earth shake, causing destruction where ever we went. He loved it. We used to say, with his power and mine together we were as devastating as a volcano, destroying everything in our path. The earth shook and the fire burned, he always had a flare for the dramatic, I guess I can't talk though, so did i.   
  
Fred, he was actually a really great guy, for those who actually took the time to talk to him. He had a fairly simple disposition, his one-track mind usually on eating. His size made things hard for him sometimes, only now can I really relate. "Nothing moves the Blob," he used to joke.   
  
Now Pietro, he was a different story. I swear the man could never hold still if his life depended on it. He talked a mile a minute and always had to be doing something. Sometimes, he would get frustrated with those of us who couldn't move as fast as he could, the couple of times we ever did catch him by surprise, though, we got him good...lets' see there was the pool, the popcorn, the bucket over the door, oh that was a good one...and several others, needless to say he didn't pick on us much after that.  
  
After Raven and Dominic, I'd have to say that Irene was one of my closest friends. She was the only one I could really talk to about my fears and insecurities...yes, I do have those every once in a while. She was more than likely the kindest person I have ever met, even now I wonder how she got mixed up with a group of ruffians like us. Irene and Raven were very close friends, maybe it was just another case unusual loyalty.   
  
Raven Darkholme, I've already spoken of her, strong, independent, beautiful...but I don't want to go off on another tangent...I almost always do when I talk about her.  
  
For most of my life I've been considered an outlaw, but that doesn't bother me much, it was for good reason. A good number of banks, prisons, and government facilities all fell before us...and many more would have fallen if it weren't for the X-men. I know, you were wondering when I'd bring them up. Actually, I hold no real grudges against them, they had different ideas, and different methods...but they fought for what they believed in, more than I can ever claim to have done. It's funny, but I've gotten more beat up from my fights with them than anything else combined, but it seems like nothing compared to the battle I'm waging now.   
  
Well, I guess it's about time I talked about it, my 'condition.' I am one of the first lucky recipients of the now well-known Legacy virus. Fatal, no cure...the doctors didn't spare any of their sympathy for me, they just told me, blunt, straight forward. And I guess that's how I generally prefer it, but a little sugarcoating might have helped in that situation. Probably not though. The first symptom is the loss of control over one's mutant power, for that alone, they wanted to lock me up, or put one of those Genotian colloars on me. No. I wouldn't do it, and luckily I had Mystique and the others to break me out...Then I heard about a scientist on Muir Island who could remove my mutant power, but it would cost me. I can't believe I ever fell for something like that, but I was desperate. I needed the money, so I did the only thing I knew how to do, I robbed a bank...in broad daylight, in front of a crowd...ok, so it wasn't one of my better ideas. I was shot twice, I didn't have enough control over my power to melt the bullets before they hit. They hurt like hell. After a brief stay at the hospital, my powers a little more under control, I discharged myself.   
  
Dr. Henry McCoy, or Beast, of the X-men is searching diligently for a cure even as I type, but I can't hope that he will discover one in my lifetime. I wish him well though, I hope that he does find a cure someday, so no one else has to go through what I am. It hurts. It didn't used to, flames that were under my control couldn't touch me, couldn't harm me...it's different now. I now have the power to generate flame, something I couldn't do before, and every time it happens I get burned...it feels like it's eating me from the inside out. I can't do many things I could do before, for fear that I'll blow something up...I can't ride in a plane, I can't be near any type of machinery, some stray spark might set me off...I'm used to doing pretty much anything I wish...it makes this even harder.   
  
But I'm not going to sit at home for the rest of my life, however long that may be, I'm not going to let them keep me in a flameproof box and study me, I just can't, I value my freedom way too much for that. I think I'm going to take my own advice, the advice of the masses and go out and seize the day. Maybe I can repent for my long life of crime...or maybe not. It doesn't matter what I do as long as it's something, I don't like waiting...I'm not going to sit and wait for death to steal upon me like a thief in the night. If the Grim Reaper wants me he's going to have to come get me and wrestle me to the ground, I won't give up without a fight. Raven would be proud of that, she is the one who taught me to fight in the first place...maybe I'll go and see her, maybe I'll go see everyone...it's been a long time, too long. Yes, I think I will go see them, I hope my appearance doesn't frighten them, but I guess they've seen worse, hell so have I. We'll talk about old times and laugh...In fact I think I'll leave right now...Carpe diem they say, well I say it too, and I'm going to seize as many of them as I have left. 


End file.
